| For those of you who are critisizing me... Fuck you. For those of you who are still suporting me... Thank you. I am about to start school and all I have been hearing from my "friends" in nacogdoches is that I don't give them enough... Sadly I just figured out that that is all they ever say. I am sorry I don't have enough time to call... I happen to work for 60 hrs a week and rarely have a day off. And on that day I would rather do laundry for the next week than get bitched out (profusely) about how I am just not a sutable human being. That is all for now... I may update again here. I may not. I wish you all the very best... If I do end up moving I will contact those who I do not wish to leave behind.
~alicia
"They feed us lies like the paper boys" Rage Against the Machine - BYOB |
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| Saturday is my last day on the job for Fry's. Life is such the bittersweet symphony... yeah you get some money then you die. Well off to the salt mines...
~Alicia |
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| "to love and have lost is better to not have loved at all"
That is the only thing giving me comfort right now... As you leave and cry for love lost and longing friendship gained was it worth it? I don't know what to say to you anymore because I am so afraid of letting go of my secret. My secret that I still love... and that that love is you. You say that I am worth it yet you move away. I know you ship out in a month but shouldn't we make the best of what little time we are given? I will love on regardless of what we call this fucked up trust.
Why not? Its a question you ask me a lot. Yet I can't get a straight answer out of you on it. I can see the desire in your eyes in your carriage and the way you wipe the hair out of my eyes. You asked for my picture today to take with you to boot camp, you want my adress to write me, you cried when you told me you only wanted my friendship thats how I know its bullshit. I know you would feel guilty asking me to wait for you but what else am I suposed to do?
I can't let the posibility of you never coming back stop me from telling you what I really feel. You say that you would never forgive yourself if you died and left me behind and that I deserve more than you could ever be. You say I deserve the "Best Man" the one who will give me everything. I don't want everything. I want you. I want to fight for you but I know that us being together will hurt you more than me trying to move on. I feel so immoble. solitary. alone. Yet one evening with you changes that. I laugh like I used to. I feel when I am with you and am unafraid to do so. So I leave with this...
I love you Will. Maybe when you get back you will realize that its my choice to do so... maybe I will still care then but I supose we won't know untill we get there.
~Alicia
"Nothing will bring him home again... bring him home again" - Dido ~ My Lover's Gone |
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| Today I did a whole lot of stuff but I accomplished nothing all at the same time... I went to San Jac to get my classes advised for classes and on what to take... and I found out bacicly that untill SFA gets is ass in gear its prety much useless to do anything. I also went to FHS to try and get my transcripts sent and even though they don't close till 5 there was NO ONE THERE!! I was so pissed... I didn't even get to deposit my check... life was so unproductive i just wana kill... maybe I will do that tomorow
~Alicia
"Can't see the demons till the demons are callin' for you on the Queen Anne's Revenge" ~ Flogging Molly - Queen Anne's Revenge |
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| I finished the half blood prince.
Now I must cry myself to sleep.
that is all
~alicia
"But it breaks my heart to see you this way. I heard you were doin' ok but I guess I was wrong" ~ Flogging Molly - Whistles the Wind |
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